A few months after my divorce, my mother asked me who my vehicle insurance provider was. I just looked at her blankly. I didn’t have vehicle insurance coverage, I had not got an MOT on my vehicle - I later understood I didn’t have home insurance coverage either. None of it had actually crossed my mind. I was extraordinarily lucky absolutely nothing went wrong.

At the age of 57 I had not paid a family costs or had any deal with on my finances since I had actually wed practically thirty years previously. Now separated, I didn’t have a clue where to start.

Rob and I married on my 30th birthday - I desired to get married before I turned 30. We had 4 kids - my stepson and 3 children of our own. All of that time, Rob managed our cash and I didn’t question it.

I just put my incomes in our shared account which was that.

I kick myself now for being dumb and ignorant. But my papa had actually taken care of my mum and Rob took care of me. It felt like a sort of safeguard for me.

I had a full-on task in the travel market, then setting up a complementary health centre and as a yoga instructor - and to be honest the family finances never interested me.

Balancing the books: When Fenella Lindsell was wed, household finances never ever interested her

Every so often I would ask him: ‘How are our financial resources?’ but it would typically be late in the evening and he ’d respond: ‘Why are you talking about this now?’. I ’d say even if I was a bit anxious, but then I ’d wake up the next morning and not consider it again.

We never ever defaulted on payments and weren’t having anyone knocking on the door. But he was not constantly totally reliable - that might be very tough.

My oldest boy definitely had a little a chequered education since we kept running out of cash and so we had to move him to other schools. But he’s done fine - they’re all OK.

Then during Covid we were in lockdowns and couldn’t be out and about doing our thing. And if relationships are already not working as they should, they become a lot more fractious and hard in those conditions. It harmed a lot and quickly after we separated.

Once our financial resources were split I had to discover to do things for myself. I didn’t even know what that meant. I have actually always been ineffective at maths - when I took a seat to do my mathematics O-Level, I walked into the examination, wrote my name at the top of the page, drew a triangle and walked out because I didn’t know it or wish to do it.

So I was horrified at the thought of arranging my financial resources.

Around that time at a yoga retreat in Greece, I was talking to a beautiful fellow and confided in him that I actually missed my dad due to the fact that he would have known how to help me. And he told me about his monetary consultant, Louisa, who was proficient at discussing and talking you through things.

So I developed the guts to see her. And to my surprise I immediately felt safe with her - I might sense that she understood how to talk with individuals like me who are a bit rudderless and ineffective on financial resources. Strangely, the thing I was most horrified of was seeming like a fool. It makes you feel so susceptible.

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HOW THIS IS MONEY CAN HELP

What you require to understand about cash every week: This is Money podcast

She assisted me to establish an Isa and described that I must move my allowance of ₤ 20,000 from my cost savings into my Isa every year to secure it from tax.

Louisa also assisted me locate a pension that was started for me when I was working for a hotel group at age 27. You don’t think of them at the time, however even small amounts can be worth something meaningful years later if they’ve been invested.

She talked me through how threat works and worked out how to invest my pension in such a way that suggests it is growing but does not keep me up at night fretting about it.

My confidence has actually grown and I know how to read the regular declarations I’m sent about my pension. I search for the balance and how much it has grown - by 14 percent last year - however I also know that often it can fall and not to stress about it.

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I also understand how to get assist when I need it - I ’d rather stab myself than do my tax return, but even though my accounting professional does it I understand how to inspect my capital - my and outgoings.

Now that I’ve got my ducks in a row - I know who my insurance is with, where my mortgage is for my home in south London, how my pension is growing - I feel a lot lighter. I still would rather play tennis than take a look at spreadsheets, however I now understand how to do it.

I ’d encourage anybody who leaves the financial resources to their partner to share the duty - I want I had. You never know what is around the corner - divorce or even worse.

My mom was also left in the exact same position as me when my father passed away, because he constantly looked after their finances and she had not discovered how to do it. Ensure your bank accounts and investments remain in both of your names so that you both get the statements and see what you have.

Even if there are home bills that your spouse pays, ensure you know what they are so you would know what to do if you needed to take control of the obligation.
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When you’re married to someone you share raising your kids, you share cooking, you share your bed, you share your life - you ought to share your finances. I believe it becomes part of your dedication to one another.

So share the load, have an open mind and be prepared to find out. Even if your husband or wife is proficient at handling the cash, do not feel frightened to ask: shouldn’t this be a shared responsibility?